Awakening to Life Read online

  “Where now, Allie?” he asks pulling on his jumper and taking some leftover food from the pocket.

  I roll my eyes behind his back, pushing him to the teenage lounge as he eats – even though I’m fairly sure he could have pushed himself. We race down the final corridor, skidding into the entrance of the lounge. Thankfully, we miss the small child emerging from the room, leaving everyone still intact.

  “Josh!” His figure is curled up on the sofa in front of the television. I ditch Paul in the doorway and run to tackle my brother. Josh shrugs me off easily, but turns and hugs me properly.

  “Hey, Allie! How was your first session?” he asks.

  “Fine. Boring, I guess… I don’t feel any different.”

  “Good,” he exclaims, probably referring to the fact that my body didn’t immediately reject the drug. He has always been horrified by chemo. Which is fair enough, given that I’ve thrown up on him about six times now. “So what do you want to do now?”

  “Ummmm…” I really want to get out of the hospital, but I know that Paul wouldn’t be allowed to come. I strain to think of something fun to do within the lounge but am distracted by a question for Josh. “Where are Mum and Dad?”

  “I think they’re still down in the cafeteria finishing lunch. They were having a romantic moment,” he says with his face scrunched. Paul and I chuckle at his expression. “So, anyway, I came up here to find you.”

  “Oh, okay. What do you want to do Paul? Any ideas?” I ask.

  He sends me a pained look. “Uhhh… movies, board games, listening to music, chatting, eating —”

  “Are you still hungry?” I ask with exaggerated shock and horror.

  “Maybe.”

  I laugh. “Okay, here’s the plan. Josh, you go get us some food. Paul, go choose a board game and set it up in front of the television. I will pick a movie to put on. Everyone, disperse!”

  They laugh at my expert problem solving, but follow orders and head off in different directions.

  Chapter 10

  My aching body rests against Jayden’s arm. Usually, it fits perfectly into his curvatures, like the characters in romance novels, but today each point of contact reignites the pain in my every limb. I stare at the television screen, but while half my mind is on the movie playing, the other half is distinctly aware of how much I’m hurting.

  I move every few minutes, trying to ease the pain. Each time I try to think of another way to change positions subtly. At first it was reaching for the remote to turn the volume up, then it was grabbing my drink of water, then it was because my arm was going numb. I decide to risk another drink of water, hoping that Jayden won’t decide that my sudden thirst is unusual.

  I don’t want to ruin our date. Although, I’m clearly the most boring girlfriend in the history of the world, with all our ‘dates’ taking place on a couch, in front of a television screen. And it’s not even the whole ‘watching television’ thing that actually means making out. We actually are just watching a whole heap of movies and television shows, and talking, of course. Jayden asks me question after question, like I am the most interesting person on the planet.

  Slowly, I lean over. Jayden sighs and pauses the movie. I lean back, laying by his side with wide eyes. “What’s wrong?” I ask, keeping my voice light.

  “That’s what I would like to know,” he says, imitating my tone and raising his eyebrows.

  I groan, giving up the act. “Fine… it hurts. But there’s nothing you can do, I just need a distraction – so you might as well turn the movie back on.”

  “Allie.” He moves his body so he is applying no pressure to mine. He hovers at my side. “Can you take something for it? Do you want to go home, or to the hospital, and get some painkillers?”

  “I can’t. They might interfere with the drug trial.”

  “Okay. So we’ll find you a better distraction.”

  “Like what?” I ask smiling.

  “You hungry?” he asks, smirking.

  “A little bit.”

  “Then I’ll make you the best food you’ve ever eaten, my specialty.”

  “Oh yeah? And what’s that?” I grin.

  “Jay’s Pizza.”

  “Really?” An unattractive snort of laughter escapes my lips.

  “No laughing, Allie. The serious awesomeness of this pizza will blow you away. You don’t understand just yet, but you will. Come on!” He pulls me into the kitchen, grabbing a few pillows on the way. He sets up a cushioned seat for me so I can watch him cook. I resolve to criticise his every step.

  Jayden pulls out ingredient after ingredient, crowding the space on the counter. “How did you learn to cook?” I ask.

  “My mum. I always liked to help out in the kitchen, but after Rosie got sick it sort of became my job. I would try and cook really great stuff, so that I could brighten her mood after a day of tests and treatments at the hospital.”

  “Why don’t you anymore?” I ask, noticing the past tense in his speech.

  “Mum likes to do it when she can. It’s a way of her regaining control over our lives and to give Rosie some normalcy back, now that she’s better. Besides, my sister has always liked Mum’s classic meals best anyway. Though, she still appreciates a Jay’s Pizza.”

  “Hey, Jayden? I realised. I don’t actually know that much about you.”

  He laughs. “Allie. We talk all the time. You probably know more than you think.”

  “Yeah. About the serious, sad things. But I don’t know about everything else, the little facts that make up a person.”

  “We’ll have to fix that then! What do you want to know?”

  “Everything.”

  He pauses for a moment, concentrating on flattening out the pita bread and cracking open a tub of tomato base. “Okay. My name is Jayden Ryan Lockre. I am seventeen years old and my birthday is in March. My favourite colour is green. I’m deathly afraid of sharks after a trip to the aquarium when I was three, and since you and Rosie…” he takes a deep breath before continuing, “I’m also afraid of cancer and losing the people I love.”

  “Go on,” I say softly.

  “Ummm… at school, my favourite subject is PE. My favourite band is Linkin Park. My favourite movie is Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift, and my favourite TV show is How I Met Your Mother.”

  “What about your future?” I ask. “What do you want to do after school? What is your greatest ambition? Do you want to travel? If yes, where? Do you want kids? If so, how many? How do you see your life in thirty years’ time?”

  He laughs at the stream of questions, but his answers are serious. “I want to be a sports instructor after high school. I really love little kids, like Rosie’s age. I don’t really have a great ambition, I just want to teach a subject I love, travel a bit, and have a family. I want to see Europe, especially Italy, France, and Germany. Mum always talks about how great the Greek Islands are though, so probably there as well. I want kids, one day. Plus, in thirty years’ time, I’ll have a dog – a Collie called Bruce. Oh, and I’ll be married to Megan Fox,” he says in a serious voice, keeping his face straight. I stare at him for a moment, waiting to see if his expression falters, before dissolving into laughter. Jayden immediately starts laughing with me.

  We laugh so hard that I think I’m going to throw up.

  I forget that I’m sick. I forget everything, even what we were laughing at to begin with.

  Jayden finishes making the pizzas and puts them in the oven. He continues throwing facts at me until they are ready. Then he serves them up, presenting the plate in front of me and tying a napkin around my neck teasingly. I humour him, not bothering to rip the napkin away before digging in to the pizza. It smells delicious, and tastes even better. But I tense my face and swallow like it’s incredibly painful.

  “Has this got capsicum on it?” I ask, drawing my eyebrows towards my
eyes and biting my lip.

  “Yeah,” Jayden replies, his eyes dart to my face.

  “I’m allergic to capsicum,” I whisper, my eyes wide in horror. Jayden sits frozen in shock, a small gasp escaping his lips, then he jumps to his feet. His chair crashes to the ground.

  “I’m JOKING!” I shout quickly, before he calls for an ambulance, or faints.

  He breathes heavily, probably for the first time since I swallowed. “Shit, Allie! Don’t joke about that!”

  “I’m sorry,” I say. It’s mostly sincere, but I can’t quite wipe the smile from my face. “That was mean. The pizza’s great, Jayden. I love it.”

  “Shut up and eat your food.” He retrieves the chair and watches as I take slow, delicious bites, moaning with pleasure with each mouthful until Jayden is reduced to rolling his eyes. But, even though it’s amazing, I only manage one and a half slices.

  “What happened, Allie? I thought the trial was helping,” Jayden asks. He stops eating too, leaning over to take my hand.

  “It was. It is. But I still have bad days – more good days, but still some bad ones.” We meet each other’s eyes; his passionate and determined, mine sad but hopeful. “Eat your pizza.”

  We sit in silence for a moment, the air thick with tense emotion around us. “So… what’s something no one else knows about you? What’s your biggest secret?” I ask him playfully, attempting to lighten the mood.

  He rocks back and thinks for a moment. “I hate snails. They’re creepy.”

  I laugh. “Everyone knows that! You announced it in English last year when we watched the film on constructing an essay!”

  “Why would I reveal my pet hate for snails while watching a film on essays?”

  “Because it was narrated by a snail,” I reply, matching the seriousness of his voice.

  “Oh no… I think you may have just revived my worst nightmares…”

  “Don’t worry.” I grin. “I’ll protect you.”

  Jayden finishes his pizza and I pick at the ingredients, taking a bite every now and then. He watches me, but I can’t read his expression. The pity and concern in his eyes is hidden, replaced with an unidentified emotion.

  “Stop watching me eat.” I pull a silly face and bend my head, looking down at the plate.

  “You’re beautiful, Allie.” A hot blush rises to my cheeks and burns beneath my skin. I look up and his blue eyes pierce mine. I feel trapped in my padded chair, when all I want to do is kiss him.

  “I love you,” he says, for the first time.

  His words are softly spoken, but clear and deliberate. The urge to kiss him grows even stronger, as if I might just reach through my body and leave it behind. How did I get to be this lucky? And how did Jayden get to be so unlucky? I can never be perfect for him the way that he is for me. Is it selfish to be this happy, and live such a self-centred life? He doesn’t deserve to care about me deeply and then have me just die, fading away horribly in front of him.

  Maybe I should walk away…

  But I love him too.

  “Allie? Please say something?” Jayden begs. “Allie.”

  “You’re so perfect Jayden.” I force the words out, but the next part comes easily, like I’d been practising since we first started dating. As if the phrase has been on my lips for an age, just trying to get out. In the end, it is the only way to articulate what I’m thinking and feeling.

  “I love you.”

  Chapter 11

  A blue car pulls up against the curb and Hailey emerges from the backseat, waving to the driver as she runs towards me. Her long, black hair is pulled into a pony tail, although most of it has escaped and the hair tie is precariously loose. She is wearing her school uniform, without obeying any of the principal’s rules about how it should be worn.

  “Happy Birthday, Allie!” she screams as we run into a perfectly synchronised hug, I’d forgotten how much I missed her.

  “Hey! Thanks. What happened to Jayden?” She takes my arm as we stride along the sidewalk. The afternoon sun beats down on us.

  Hailey laughs. “Well, he had to stay at school for detention.”

  My eyes widen and my voice screeches. “What did he do?!”

  “He laughed when Mr. Farough put that stupid top hat on — which just happened to be covered in whipped cream…” Hailey giggles at the memory. “Mr. Farough assumed it was him. So, I guess it’s just you and me!”

  “Okay!” I squeeze her arm. “Who actually did it though?”

  We turn to each other. “Aaron,” we say in unison, pushing through my front door.

  “Why didn’t Aaron take the blame? He did it, and he’s Jayden’s best friend,” I mutter.

  “Jayden and Aaron aren’t friends anymore. He… Well, he sort of said some mean things about you, both before and after the assembly. That’s why he let Jayden take the blame, because they hate each other now.”

  “Oh, wow. Okay then.” I shake my head, as if it might clear my mind. I can’t imagine Aaron and Jayden not being friends. Although, looking back on it, I can’t remember Jayden mentioning him in the last few months. So I push the thought into the back of my mind, storing it for later. Hailey follows me upstairs and into my room. We sit on the bed. “So, what do you want to do today?”

  “Never fret, young one. I have it all planned out.” She gives me a sneaky look. “Change into something nice.”

  “Bossy, bossy!” I say, but I open my wardrobe and pull out some bright pants and a nice shirt. “Turn around while I change.”

  Hailey rolls over on the bed, facing the opposite direction with her head resting on the pillows. When I’m done, she turns over, gives me a thumbs up, and leads me from the house with the reassurance that we won’t have to walk far. She barely stops chattering the entire way. I can’t remember the last time I had an honest conversation with a female that wasn’t my mum. As of late, the people I hang out with consist of my parents, brother, Paul, and Jayden. It’s great to have my girl friend back. We chat about everything — and it’s really fun.

  When we reach the mall, I’m surprised. Although I’m tired and my body aches, it’s not anything more painful than usual and I’m entirely distracted by Hailey’s company. Thankfully, I actually feel healthy enough to go along with Hailey’s plans.

  “What are we doing here?” I ask. The shops are unfamiliar as we enter. There are a lot of school students around, probably because it’s a Friday afternoon. I recognise some of the faces.

  “We’re going bowling.” Hailey drags me through the crowded mall, having to pull me along more than once as I gaze at the shiny displays. Finally, we find the small corridor of fluorescent lights which leads into the bowling alley. We get our shoes and an assigned lane. Hailey finds me the lightest ball possible and I choose her the heaviest ball I can carry — although it’s only about one degree heavier than the one she picked for me.

  At first we both bowl seriously, genuinely trying to outdo each other’s scores. But as the game progresses, our throws get more and more chaotic due to Hailey’s silly challenges. Three turns using only our left hands. One turn between our legs. Two turns with our eyes closed. In all that time, I successfully knock down about three pins.

  We take our last shots without realising it and I am disappointed when the game is over. But Hailey suggests we go back to my house for food and a movie, so we leave the bowling alley and head home. She forces me to catch a bus, despite my grumbling that I’m fine to walk. It’s a good day and I refuse to admit she might be right. We talk about our favourite television shows all the way home. It is the perfect birthday treat. The only thing that could be better is Paul being released from the hospital. But he’d called this morning. If I call Jayden and invite him to dinner, it will be the best birthday I can remember.

  When we get home, I pull out a key and let us into the house. Hailey walks through first, lead
ing us passed the kitchen and into the lounge room. The house is strangely quiet and I begin to think nobody is there, even though my parents should be home from work and Josh would’ve finished school hours ago. I follow Hailey and she switches the lights on.

  “SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ALLIE!”

  People emerge from every nook and cranny in the room. My first thought is astonishment at the sheer amount of people that were able to not only fit, but also hide in what is, essentially, a pretty small room.