Awakening to Life Read online

  “Just call, Paul,” I attempt to say seductively, trying to use his own tricks against him. He sits back on his cushion, grinning like crazy. I make a mental note to practise my seductive charms.

  “All in.” He pushes his significantly larger pile of fake coins into the space between us, joining the measly handful that I had contributed.

  We flip our cards simultaneously and I squeal in delight, we both have twenty. I start doing the sitting version of my happy dance. I didn’t lose! Okay, so I hadn’t won either. But for once I hadn’t lost!

  “Ummm, Allie?” Paul asks sweetly, bringing my back to Earth. “Allie, my cards are worth more than yours. You just lost. Again.” He smirks at me, watching my reaction as I re-examine my cards, and then his, and then the empty space in front of me, and then the massive pile of coins in front of Paul.

  Crap.

  I glare at Paul. “There is no way that you’re not cheating!” He starts laughing, mockingly counting his coins. Not that he has to – he has the whole box of one hundred fake poker coins.

  “There is no way I can just keep losing!” I huff angrily. He’s laughing so hard that it looks like he’s struggling to breathe. When I start to feel concerned I glare at the pile of coins he’s practically swimming in and remember that he deserves it.

  “How?!” I demand. I had had a few good hands. In an ordinary game, against an opponent playing by the rules, I would have won.

  When Paul finally manages to calm down, he leaves his mountain of coins to sit next to me. He takes my hand with an air of complete happiness.

  “You need to have a strategy, Allie, and you need to read the other person so you know their strategy. You can’t just bet on any old cards!” He starts laughing again, probably remembering my enthusiasm in betting when I had the lowest possible combination of cards. In my defence, I should have gotten bonus points for that hand.

  “I think we should change games,” I grumble, though not as angrily as before. “I like Scrabble better, or Monopoly…”

  “Okay.” He chuckles, turning his head to face me. He raises his fingers to lightly brush a strand of hair from my face, his fingers skimming my cheek ever so slightly. I blush under his touch.

  “Allie?” he whispers, his nose only a few centimetres from mine.

  “Yes?” I’m breathless. I think I know what’s coming next, except Paul is a friend. I like Jayden. I kissed Jayden. Paul knows that. My body freezes as I wait for him to say something, with fear and adrenaline rushing through my body.

  “I really like you.”

  And then he kisses me. I’ve only ever kissed Jayden before and I thought all kisses would be the same but this is different… more urgent. I break away quickly, gasping for air. I feel like I’ve fallen from a terrible height. My whole body is reeling.

  “Allie…” Paul mumbles, sounding dazed as well.

  I try to look away but my treacherous eyes dart up to meet Paul’s as we remain locked in place, neither of us daring to move. It is because of this that I see it, the miniscule movement which betrays him. Paul’s gaze moves behind me to the door of the lounge which had been empty for hours now. I turn to see what has captured his attention, but Paul grabs my shoulders with both hands.

  “Don’t, Allie,” he says softly. He glares at the person behind me and snarls angrily, “Go away!”

  I rip my arms from his as I stand quickly, my eyes glazing over briefly when the blood rushes to my head. I turn, hearing Paul rising from the ground behind me.

  Jayden. The king of bad timing.

  My mouth hangs open as I stare in complete shock at the boy standing defensively in the doorway. I try to say something but my whole body betrays me. I cannot think. We both stand in total silence. Jayden’s eyes are wide as he takes in my appearance. He ignores Paul. Then he turns and stalks away. I thaw out immediately and go to run after him. A hand shoots out and grabs my arm.

  “Don’t, Allie,” Paul says. “He’ll only hurt you.”

  “I need to talk to him, Paul. Let me go,” I command in a strong voice. I glare at him until his grip slackens, then I run. Jayden is almost at the lift when I grab his shoulder and spin him around.

  “It wasn’t what it looked like!” I say. “We’re just friends, Jayden!”

  “I came here to talk to you. I thought you were upset, after that speech at school.” His tone is harsh, rough, like sandpaper against my heart.

  “I was upset! I am! I want you, Jayden! Paul is my friend, but I thought you and I were something more.”

  He sighs. “I came here to say I’m sorry. I understand why you lied. I mean – I wish you’d trusted me enough to tell me about the cancer, and about Paul. I felt like you two were in on this secret joke about me not knowing. But I understand. I was a jerk. Can we please just go back to how we were before?”

  I let out a gush of air. “Friends?” I ask.

  “No, I want to be your boyfriend, Allie. I want to be there for you and spend as much time with you as possible. I’m scared, but I won’t run away. I’ll be strong for you, I swear.”

  I stare at him. He steps forward and kisses me. I fold into his arms, which wrap around my body like a blanket. I squeeze my eyes shut and focus on his lips. They press against mine with increasing pressure, massaging gently against mine. I feel warm and safe. Healthy.

  He pulls away and starts speaking again, quickly, as though he’s afraid I’ll cut in and ask him to leave.

  “I want to get to know you better…I want to be able to kiss you, to be the only guy to kiss you.” I somehow find the courage to meet his eyes. “Besides your dad, of course... and your brother. Do you have any other male relatives? Well, them too. Just not like this. That would be weird, and gross.”

  I step forward and wrap my arms around his neck. “Okay,” I say.

  He inhales sharply. “Really?” A smile plays in the corners of his mouth. “You’ll be my girlfriend?”

  “Yes.” I tilt my head upwards and kiss him. My lips tingle at his touch and my whole body feels warm. When I pull away, I tuck my head into his chest and hug him. Then I step away. “Do you want to come hang out in the teenage lounge?”

  He frowns. “I have to go back to school, before lunch ends. But can I see you on the weekend? For our first date?”

  “That’s too long a wait,” I complain with a smile, vaguely worried he’ll think of me as needy.

  “I have an idea for something special. It’ll definitely make up for the wait.”

  I grin up at him. “Okay.”

  He kisses me again, quickly, and hugs me tight. I let my arms drop to my side and he pushes on the button to the lift. He takes my hand as he waits. The lift pings open and he places a peck on my hand.

  “Talk to you soon.” He turns and enters the lift. The doors close, and I return to the teenage room smiling, having completely forgotten about Paul. But one look at his face brings reality crashing back.

  “Paul,” I start, but his face transforms from a frown into a snarl.

  “Save it, Allie,” he says.

  “Can’t we go back to being friends? You knew I like Jayden!” I cry. “I’m sorry!”

  “Just go back to your room. I’ll talk to you later.”

  He turns and packs away our game, keeping his back to me. I watch him as he moves the cards and fake coins into the box, and places it all with the other board games. Then he moves to the chair by the window and gazes out. His stony silence makes my head ache. I turn and leave, returning to my hospital bed to replay Jayden’s kiss instead.

  Chapter 7

  I giggle hysterically, pulling at the blindfold teasingly, but keeping my eyes covered. “Can I look now?”

  “No.”

  It’s a miracle that Jayden has been able to keep his voice calm and steady for all this time. I’m jiggling up and down on my seat in excitement.r />
  “How much longer?” I whine playfully, though I’m afraid I might burst from curiosity or enthusiasm.

  “About ten minutes, Allie. You can wait ’til then, can’t you?” I can practically hear him smirking. “How about we talk about something else to keep your mind off things? The time will go faster…”

  “Fine,” I say.

  There are so many questions I want to ask him. Last night I had had an epiphany that I still didn’t know this boy very well. But there was a particular thought on my mind. It has been sitting there, demanding to be addressed, since Dad told me about this little excursion yesterday afternoon.

  “So how did you convince everyone to let me come with you today – so far away from the hospital and without parental supervision?”

  I wish I could watch his face as he answers, but his rules are strict. No looking until we get there. As it is, I have to make do with concentrating on his tone as he speaks.

  “I had a talk with your parents and your dad convinced your doctors.”

  His voice is hesitant, like he doesn’t want to tell me. It only makes me more curious, of course. He would’ve had to do a lot more than just talk to convince my mum and doctors to slacken their protective hold over me, and my dad wouldn’t help without complete confidence in Jayden’s ability to look after me.

  “Come on, Jayden,” I complain. “What did you say to convince them? What did you do?” I emphasise the word ‘do’ slightly and Jayden definitely picks up on it. His breathing hitches at the end of my sentence, losing the rhythm I had become accustom to during the car ride.

  “Well, we’re only doing a half day. And I… uh… I mapped out all the medical centres and hospitals and private doctors and such along the route to where we’re going. If something happens along the way, or when we’re there, and ambulance should be able to get there in around five minutes, no matter where we are on the route.”

  He’s embarrassed! I wish I could see him blushing… I grin wildly, he’s so sweet. That would have taken a while to work out the perfect way to get to wherever we’re going and find all the medical centres.

  His breathing doesn’t return to normal after he confesses, however, and his final words seem to trail off. Suddenly, I have a strong hunch that there’s something more to this story – something that makes it embarrassing about how much he likes me. I scold myself silently. Don’t get your hopes up, Allie! Who wants to date the dying girl?

  It is a date though…

  “What else?” I ask casually, hoping to confirm what I’ve guessed.

  “Why does there have to be something else? Isn’t that enough?” he asks. He doesn’t deny it.

  “No, but there’s more, isn’t there?”

  “Fine,” he grumbles and I smile sneakily. He laughs. I keep forgetting that while I can’t see Jayden’s expressions, he can see mine.

  “I’m taking this course-group thingy at the hospital, which sort of teaches you to care for family members and friends with cancer.” He’s being vague. I try to hold back my gushing, simply smiling to encourage him to continue. Thankfully, he obliges – probably the whole he-can-see-my-face-even-though-I-can’t-see-his thing again.

  “It helps me know what to look for, so I’ll know if you or Rosie are going to need a hospital anytime soon. It teaches me the basics of what’s going on, so hopefully I won’t panic when the time comes. It will probably help more with Rosie, but it means I’m better equipped to look out for you as well…”

  I’m overwhelmed by a desire to kiss him. He’s so sweet! How did I get so lucky, with him to want to hang out with me like this and do nice things for me? Are all boys like this, or is he special? No, I already know the answer to that. This boy is exceptional. Absolutely phenomenal.

  Immediately, I remember Paul and feel guilty. When I’m with Jayden, everything else seems to slip away. I push the thought of Paul away again. If he wanted to be my friend, he would contact me.

  “Thank you, Jayden. Thank you so much for all you’re doing for me, and for Rosie. It’s so sweet. You’re so sweet.” Heat rushes to my cheeks and I am sure they are bright red.

  The car slows down, swings to the side, and stops. I hear Jayden reaching over before his lips brush against my cheek. He kisses me softly. I twist around so my lips meet his, but he pulls away too quickly.

  “We’re here,” he says. “Don’t take your blindfold off right away though. I’ll go around and help you out. Then I’ll let you see, okay? Do you trust me?”

  “Of course I trust you,” I say in a low voice, trying to sound collected. Without another word, Jayden pulls away, and a second later I hear the car door slam shut.

  I strain my mind and attempt to work out where we are. The car ride had taken about an hour. We’d driven inland, away from the coast. So it wasn’t a beach. Beyond that, I didn’t have a clue. It couldn’t be the movies; why would we drive so far for that? It couldn’t be anything physical, because Dad would never allow it. I’m forced to admit that I’m not as creative as I thought I was.

  My heart leaps when the door opens and my arm, which had been resting against the door, slips. Jayden grabs it and pushes me upright, chuckling in my ear. His breath escapes his lips in tendrils, which caress my neck. I unclip the seatbelt and he helps me from the clutches of the car, pulling me to my feet.

  “Thanks.” I take a deep breath.

  Jayden wraps his arm around my waist and leads me up a slight incline. My feet slip between a crack in the gravel. I can hear crunching with each step. Then we’re walking on grass and thin strands poke through the sides of my sandals. The sun beats down on my skin. It must be almost midday. A light breeze coaxes the hem of my shirt. It reminds me of the long hours I’ve spent locked inside recently; the fresh air smells fantastic compared to the faint scent of drugs and urine. Sounds drift towards me with the breeze, getting louder and louder as we walk.

  Jayden slows and stops. He slips his arm from by waist and fumbles to untie the blindfold. It loosens and falls from my face and, when I can no longer feel the material, I let my eyes flutter open. A smile stretches across my face as I drink in the sight. Colours. Flashing lights of rides. The excited babble of children and couples making their way through the clutter of activity.

  A carnival.

  I want, more than anything, to run down the hill immediately. I grab Jayden’s hand. “Let’s go!” I squeal.

  He grins back at me and squeezes my hand. Together, we stumble down the small hill and onto flat ground. Without pausing, we hasten into the jungle of rides and sideshows. I don’t know what to try first. It is the perfect date.

  “Thank you, Jayden!” I yell over a squabble of loud teenagers, fighting over who gets to shoot the targets next.

  He pulls me to the side, to the edge of a quieter alleyway, and leans down. He kisses me and I cling to him, my arms snaking their way around his neck and pulling him closer. His body presses against mine. My fingers thread through his messy, blond hair and I forget how to breathe. I feel like a character in a movie, probably something written by Nicholas Sparks. Jayden tastes like apples and smells of cologne. It works for him.

  “Let’s go have some fun,” he says.

  We spend hours exploring the carnival. First, we ride the rickety old Ferris wheel, gasping as it bumps over the highest point. We play silly games that no one can win. We go on a roller coaster meant for children under the age of twelve. Until, finally, I find the one ride I’d wanted to go on since Hailey told me her ‘the time my sister peed her pants’ story. The ghost train.

  “Allie, we don’t have to go on,” he says, reading my silence all wrong. I move into the line, bouncing on my feet.

  “No, I want to go on! Why, are you scared?” I tease.

  He sighs and plasters an exaggerated grimace on his face. “I’ll put my fear aside. For you, Allie, only for you.” He steps into the line and
we wait, side by side with kids yelling and laughing, and others with fearful faces, but enthusiastic parents.

  The line moves quickly and, before long, Jayden and I are seated in a beat up carriage of the ghost train. The black paint feels off beneath my hands and it looks awfully frail, like it will collapse the minute we sit down. But it holds, letting out an eerie high-pitched squeal of metal on metal as the wheels begin to turn on the track and we are plunged into darkness.

  The train veers to the left, taking a sharp corner and dramatically increasing in speed. Mechanical screams and clinking of chains start. The cart rattles and a cold hand with impossibly long fingers and sharp nails grabs my shoulder. I scream. Jayden tucks my body under his arm, chuckling. I turn and scowl at him, just in time to see a green ghoul sneak up behind him, touch his shoulder and scream in his ear. Jayden lifts from the seat and yells. His eyes open wide and his hand grips me so tightly it hurts.